Ellie was annoying me today. I'm afraid that I'll just stop loving her, that I'll just find her a drain, a boring and dopey waste of time. Today I was annoyed because she got upset when I got up from playing with her to go to the toilet. She whinged, then she came to see me. She was all happy, but I was annoyed, cause I just wanted a moment of peace-- on the can, for chrissakes. I hadn't closed the door. She threw some toys in, I threw them out, hoping she'd go get them, but she didn't.

She seems to get frustrated easily, and throws things around. This is getting annoying. I want her to have more patience (like me!?) and be a bit calmer. But I don't really want that-- the model of calm in the DS world are babies that just sit there, placid and uninterested. Definitely not what I want. So I want some more calmness in my life-- I need some time to myself, to sit by the pond in the park, and gather myself together. And I'm finding her annoying because she can't give me that. Though she's sleeping now :)
It's like, I can't have any interesting projects, because I don't have uninterrupted time for them-- and if a project can be interrupted at any time, it's probably not meaningful. Nothing I value can be done a few minutes here, a few there. Is this true?
I think i have to be a little more strict with her-- when she's rambunctious her energy is fine, but I have to stop her pinching me and pulling uncontrollably on the neck of my t-shirt. Calm down, tell me what you want, Up?

Maybe, if I can stand to be that sort of person.