Not having a great time.
She presents herself to me as a series of demands; feed me, change me, childproof the house, clean the floor where I'm crawling, clean the high chair, give me a bath, brush the hair out of my eyes, help me to sleep, entertain me. It's not her fault, of course, it's just my tendency to see the world as a series of demands, and be exhausted by the thought of them. It's not a virtue.

I sit here, typing away, cause I'm too lazy to get up and attend to all the demands I see. And when I'm playing with her, I'm often in the same, low energy, despairing sort of mood. Was thinking today that I should break up her play into smaller segments; 10 minutes at a time rather than 20 or 30. And encourage her to do some more independent play, but starting with a few minutes, then extending it. Build up her independent muscles. Attending to one task at a time is obviously better than seeing 100, and feeling overwhelmed by them all. At least there's no need to make a list-- the demands are visible just looking at the room around me. So that's one form of procrastination i don't need to worry about.

I'm spending too much time with her just vegging, watching, but not really that attentively. Because I would rather be doing something else? Perhaps this is a good chance to practise mindfulness, being here now, etc.

As usual, drastic life change is accompanied by realisation of the baggage I carry around in my life. Yet another thing to do-- get rid of useless mental baggage. Add that to the list of things to do, along with, "don't make overwhelming lists of things to do".